Archive for Stumps


Posted in EnviroHate with tags , , on June 30, 2008 by I'M AMERICAN!

Did you know that for every fourteen people there are forty-seven trees? Luckily their number is shrinking, but there are still more than a few bad apple trees that need to be cut down. For your viewing pleasure: Dead Trees.

Look at these ones on the side of a road, most likely just waiting for the right time to suicide drop on a bus full of elementary school students on their way to a field trip at a paper factory. Well your plans were cut short, assholes.

My favorite part about the fact that you can tell a trees age by the number of it’s rings is that you have to cut it in half first. No more rings for you, you wooden abomination.

This one reminds me of the Olympics. Specifically the swimming competitions in which the athletes are on the blocks waiting for the starting gun. Just think, if they dove off the top of a tree they would be a lot more likely to die than if they dived off of a stump. That’s a +1 for deforestation.

Look at your roots, tree. Even if they were in the ground soaking up nutrients, all that fiber and calcium would just reach your severed torso and drip back into the ground, where it belongs.